You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
Randomize
