I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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