I wannas sexs uuuuu
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
