there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
