i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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