i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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