I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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