ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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