Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
