How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize