how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
