Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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