Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize