Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize
