sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
