he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
