Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
