I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Randomize
