do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
