hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
