i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
Randomize
