Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
