did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
