If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
