I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I have tasted many bathrooms
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
