white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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