hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
