i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Randomize
