wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
