i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
