i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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