i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
