I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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