You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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