Non-Jews are for practice
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
