Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I want to get back to junior year skinny- without all the drugs.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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