But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
this is an emotional support booty call
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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