I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
