you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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