sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
