Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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