I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
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