im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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