she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
