I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
Randomize
