Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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