If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
