I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
