brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
