Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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