Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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