I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
