ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
