Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize