I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
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