Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
so much tequila, so little girl.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Randomize
