OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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