puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Randomize
