He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
