I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
