you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Randomize
