We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
