dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
Randomize
