You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
