She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
