You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Randomize
