i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
