I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
