We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
