tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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