Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize