i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
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