1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
