I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
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