Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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