so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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