I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
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