i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Randomize