I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
