pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
