So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
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