have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
