escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Randomize
