Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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