We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
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