So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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